There is no bear...
when my response does not match reality.
I had a visceral reaction to my first entry last week.
It was immediate regret, and “Why am I doing this?” I instantly forgot that the whole point of this was for me to pick up a pen and write. The whole point was for me to do something new, to share for the sake of exploration and curiosity.
I instantly forgot how, when I was conceptualizing what this project would look like, my whole being lit up, and I was so curious about how to start.
So fear, wearing the mask of pride, came in. And I wanted to delete. I wanted to apologize. I wanted to tuck all that curiosity away, but instead I just paused. I sat with the discomfort. I turned towards these people who love me, and slowly balance crept in.
I am learning how the one thing that keeps me from the bravery of being in a creative space (mentally or physically. . . spiritually) is mostly fear. And sometimes it FEELS like there is a bear in front of me threatening my existence.
But there is no bear.
Don’t get me wrong, sometimes there are bears.
Sometimes it is a metaphorical ”bear”, such as financial fears, dealing with the health insurance company, or even walking down the street at night. And these are important to treat with the respect and attention they deserve.
But when there are no immediate, urgent threats and that level of fear is still present, causing a fight or flight response that is worthy of a bear? I can sometimes forget I have a choice with how I move forward in spite of these feelings.
Remembering these choices don’t have to be fueled by “knee-jerk” reactions or emotional responses, I can invite in pause.
Someone said to me once, “Feelings are like toddlers; you should not let them drive the car. Nor should you put them in the trunk.”
